The Art of Productivity

"What's free time again?" asked an HA intern as they trudged into the office an hour early to get homework done, "Oh, you mean Saturday?  Yeah, I think I remember those."

Such is my life.
The.Struggle.Is.Real

 Being blessed to work in the Global Expeditions Call Center, I don't have to be at work until after lunch at 1pm. But the hidden downfall to this is also its biggest blessing. Sleep. B-shifters like me have the glorious opportunity to sleep 'in', as opposed to the early rising, at work at 8:30 A-shifters.  Though sleep is wonderful, it will be your downfall. The average B-shifting intern will wake up either at 9:50 or 10:50 am, so they have just enough time to groggily run to the Auditorium for classes. After class and lunch, you work until 9 at night, and spend the rest of the evening socializing or eating ramen noodles (college life fosho).  

But in my B-shift life I am determined to break the lazy mold. My solution? Wake up early(ier), eat, dress, quiet time, homework, class, lunch, work, eat, work, session (if it applies), read, bed. Pretty packed right? Yep, and this entire week we've had sessions every night from 8 to 10, and on Wednesdays and Fridays I have shattered clay from 10-12 am (yep, late owls indeed). 

Socializing? Friends? Hanging out? What the fat are you talking about? 

Ain't nobody got time for that. 

Such is my life.

The struggle.

In the process of rituals beginning to set into my life (which I hate) and always having things to do, I've realized something: My tight schedule is the best plan ever if I want to be miserable. Though productive in the sense that I'm getting things done, I've become so religious in my schedule that I've isolated myself and sucked the adventure out of this Texas life. I've gotten stale, and watered down. And haven't had the refreshing words of a brother or sister close to me.
The life of an HA intern is busy, but to get through the hectic busyness, God gave us each other. I'm surrounded by 140+ other young people, pursuing God and going through the same things as I. That's such blessing.  I have an amazing family core of 20+ people (the largest on campus) and I barely spend time with them because I'm too busy 'getting things done'. Which of course being focused in itself isn't a bad thing, but to take it so far that the only conversation you have with your sister is about how you haven't seen each other in a few days is a bit sad. 
So my solution? I'm still working on it. But Jesus pursued people as well as His ministry, in fact, people was His ministry. And he's called people to be my ministry as well. He put these awesome people in my life for a reason. So whether it's waking up at 5:40 am to go to the gym with Cassie (which was awesome by the way), doing homework with Franny Fran (one of my favorite people on campus), leaving encouraging notes on my one of my  brother's desks, or staying up a little bit later to join in on the hilarious room conversations, I'm going to master the art of pursuit. Finding the middle ground between the art of productivity and the art of pursuing of people is going to be a journey I know nothing of (I've never had to turn homework in on time in my life...or even pursue friendships very much either for that matter ). But it's adventure time! Let's see how this turns out

P.S I think I almost like coffee now... Pray for me

Where have I been?

I MOVED TO TEXAS!!!!! And boy has it been an adventure. Before my internship at the Honor Academy started, I volunteered on the Teen Mania campus for two months where I've done everything from re-decorating, to serving food, to cleaning, cutting, taping, selling, praying, and facilitating paintball. Through all of this and all of the relationships I formed this summer, God has put a bigger desire in my heart to know Him and to know His heart. Thankfully as an intern here at the Honor Academy, that's what we are pursuing. Through a series of wondrous classes, the receptive heart is shown God's general plan for all of his followers, and daily we have the opportunity to live it out in our ministry placements and communion with each other. 
In addition to classes, ministry placements, and encountering the Living God, we recently had our first LTE (Life Transforming Event) called 'The Anvil'. During The Anvil, we were pushed physically and mentally so God could build us spiritually. We let God mold us as we stopped focusing on our own shortcomings or achievements and started encouraging one another and speaking life. We let God give us the strength to either slow down and watch for one another or to push further than we thought we could. During the Anvil LTE God showed me things that are in me that he longs to get rid of. My amazing team learned that quoting and believing scripture, praying constantly over each other and leaving no one behind is where the victory comes. Such is life. Where there is unity, God commands a blessing. We started as one and we finished as one. 

Well thats just an update on me :)

In addition to using this blog to keep you updated (though if anyone still reads this blog I'll be very shocked), I'll also be using it to post my papers for Character Development class. Whaddup.

One of my summer adventures!

End of Anvil paint fight celebration! (we have a lot of paint fights here)

If you are able to donate to my internship and keep me at the Honor Academy, go online to honoracademy.com/donate my intern number is 2612849. Donations are greatly appreciated! 
  

Her Freedom

Could the maker of the stars hear the sound of my breakin' heart? One light, that's all I am right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are won't You come close and hold my heart

Then He whispered in her ear, "Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you."
The tears then broke from her locked eyelids and fell with her chains. "I love you." was all she could get out of her quivering lips, "hold me. Please hold me."

His light threw the everlasting confusion into a whirlwind abyss. His light flooded her eyes and shook her bones. His light held her suspended in the air  where the darkness could not touch her. But there was one thing missing; her choice. Her choice to turn away everything she once welcomed. Her choice to choose the things that made her uncomfortable. Her choice to put herself last, to become the least of these with no complaint. Her choice was impossible. She knew she couldn't do it. She didn't know if she wanted to. But she knew she needed to.

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior. My Savior. You saved me. I will call upon your name, keep my eyes above the waves. My soul will rest in your embrace. I am yours and you are Mine." 

The prayer emanated from her spirit. The demons around were blinded by the power of the choice that enabled her freedom. Her freedom. Her freedom. 

It Is Finished 

I am Yours and You are Mine.

December 24th

Today, December 24th 2012 has been the worst December 24th I can remember, though that isn't saying much because i don't remember any of them, and no, it's not because I was drunk . Back to the point, today started out great, I stayed up late making my little brother's present, yet still had a great nights sleep. I woke up my mothers kisses and to the freezing cold air inside my house (no heat yet. thank God for space heaters). I had a head full of things to do today, and was looking forward to a fun day of just spending Christmas music filled time with everyone. Well, it didn't turn out that way. Today was filled with bad attitudes, too many cranky pills, short tempered-ness, and was a big ole bucket of rude and not fun-ness (that's a word right?). I was miserable. Our house has no decorations, no wonderful smells, no family friendliness...etc. In my house, we don't give a gift exchange on Christmas, we give it on New Years. We do this because my parents had the idea to reserve Christmas for Jesus and to have our own family holiday. We call it Family Appreciation Day. Though there is nothing wrong with giving gifts on Christmas  my parents just came up with a cool tradition. Well this year for Christmas  everyone in our family has to hand make something for the person younger than them (in addition to family appreciation day), I have to make something for Daniel (little brother). Well today, Daniel overdosed on cranky jerk pills and was having a few issues today, no bueno. And it all went downhill from there. On top of things i won't get into, my best friends are a thousand and in some cases many many thousands of miles away. My other best friend ...ugh oh gosh I don't even know about her. Today was awful. Period. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have Hope.
Christmas.
More of Christ.
The Savior of the World, the Savior of my soul was born. He saw the withered tree stumps of humanity and it broke his heart. He saw the depression of the souls of a people who were forever cut off from God, the God of their souls, the God of love who truly is the only one who knew how to love them. We were separated, lost, confused, dying, crying, seeking, searching, desperate, dead. He saw something that he would take no more of, his heart broke for the people who broke it, and who keep breaking it. But Love prevailed and a plan was hatched. God sent his Son to save his lost ones; me. The Love of God is powerful. Powerful enough to raise the dead, to heal the sick, to fix the broken and renew the stagnant, to change the world and the fullness thereof. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus for seeing my hurt, my lost, my broken, and my blind heart. Thank you for tearing off the chains on my soul with your pierced and bleeding hands. Your hands and feet were bleeding with blood that should have been mine. You are the solution. You came and lived among us and yet we still rejected you. Thank you for not giving up so easily, thank you for having a human proof plan. I love you. I'm in love with you. My soul sings of how I love you.

Yep, this is what I've been waiting for.

I'm  doing a lot right now. I'm looking at my niece and her beautiful eyes. she smiles. I think about how downstairs lying on my couch right now is an amazing girl I met last year.  I think about how now I'm '17'. I think about how much I dont know what that means. I think about how I'm going to HA next year. About how Im now a 'senior' now. The  thought of that makes me cry. I feel like crying now  I think about how I just got a very much wanted invitation to MT. I think about how my best friend doesn't  know how Im feeling. And how I feel like i'm drifting from my other best friend. I think about how I try so hard to fight other peoples battles for them. I try so hard to save people from their situations, even though I know thats not my job. But what is my job? Working at a frozen yogurt shop? Assistant Gymnastics coach? technically yes. But I need for there to be more in this 18th year of life then falling behind in school and making money that will come to dust anyway. I have a goal for tis year. I want to do something. Something that includes more then being in a musical, and making a new friend. I want this year to be my turning point. I just read a blog post from my friend Chantry. He just came back from Venezuela. Now he's planning 2 more trips to Haiti and Ecuador. He's also dual enrolled a.k.a he's soon to be a sophomore in college. He's 17. Does his amazing anointed mission based life make me feel like a directionless chump? yep sure does. But another thing that it shows me, is that Chancho knows his identity. Not just his name or his address. But he knows who he is in Christ. and when you boil it down, thats ALL that matters. Who am I in Christ?... thats what I need to brush up on. This 2012-2013 year is going to be one in which God says, "Yep, this is what I've been waiting for."

One year and 14 days ago

We were strangers when we took this picture. 
Pale, short haired, blue shirt wearing strangers.
I'd like to see us take it now, 1 year, and 14 days later

One year and  14 days ago at approximately 1 in the morning, I was crying. Not outwardly, for my tear sacks don't work like that. Its the worst feeling when your  crying on the inside but nothing comes out on your face.  When all your emotion is trapped inside and there is no way for it to come out. I remember kissing Maria repeatedly and getting her many tears on my face. I remember hugging Zeb not near enough times. At that moment I remembered all the things he said would happen to him that night, I wondered if they were happening, I doubted  it.  I remember the TM official yelling at us to leave, let them get on their bus and us to go to sleep. His insensitivity was blood boiling. Did he really not know what happened between us the past two months? And then having to say goodbye not knowing whether we would see each other again. I regret something from that night. I wish I had stayed my ground, not impressed by his threats that may not have been idle.  I wish I would have seen their bus off, and waved to them as they slowly began the hour and a half journey to the DFW airport. I knew the goodbyes would continue that night, in fact mine and Frankie's turn was next. But as I was shooed out of the pavilion, I just ran back up to my cabin and sat outside on the bench, I looked at the stars and re-lived the past two months in my head. Before I knew it, it was my turn to go to the pavilion and get on my bus. I ran into my cabin and woke up my other  team mates, "My bus is here. I ts time for me to go." some of them responded with a sluggish "oooh no" but hardly any of them stirred. It made me laugh, after two months of waking up at 5-6 in the morning, we learned to value our sleep. "Ok," said a currently closed-eyed Misha, " I'll be down there in enough time to say goodbye" I woke a few others and gave a few sleepy hugs, but when I look back now, I would have done so much more.  I don't remember having an escort down the lonely road to the pavilion. I got down there to see Frankie, my departing buddie, God, I was so thankful to have him. My memories are scattered at this point, the one thing that sticks out the most is that man just yelling. Say your goodbyes then leave! No! I don't want them to leave! Please don't leave. I remember quick fleeting hugs from people who meant the most. Hugs that wouldn't satisfy. Hugs that didn't  satisfy. Hugs that haven't satisfied. I'm not satisfied, in fact, I'm depressed. I remember the moment I broke. When emotion became too strong and too powerful for my insides to contain. This happens on very few occasions. Mackenzie hugged me. She said, "If there's anything you ever need, I want you to call me. Call me, ok?" I nodded my head on her much smaller shoulder, the tears came, they matched hers. Cassandra came up and hugged me next. Though we scarcely exchanged words the entire two months, I knew I was going  to miss her.    Then they were gone. Warded off by the officiator of ceremonies. I knew then that I didn't like this man, I very much did not like him.  I felt so alone then. Frankie asked "You ok bud?" and I smiled and said "Nope." I wasn't ok. I'm not ok.  Holding the non existent tears in then has lead to me letting them out now.  I miss my Impossibles.
</3
[super emo blog post is now over...stay tuned for the next one]

Part 4

We had been in Fiji for about two months now. We had Bon-fires, ministry through labor , Youth Conventions, movie nights, a pool party, beach outings, rugby and soccer tournaments... ...the list goes on. I was literally in paradise with my family. What could be better? I could be better. I was vain, selfish, and completely oblivious. I constantly looked to impress people, to make them like me more, to make them think I was special and possibly even as cool as everyone else. "Hey! Do you think I'm cool too? Look at me! I can be like that." My demeanor cried out louder then the sound of the ocean.
Have you ever been so blindly focused on one thing that you completely miss the better things that you could have had? Being so focused on myself, I missed the amazing friendships I could have had with Rachel, Christal, and so many others. Finally, it took the work of  Tema, a girl I did not expect to get so close with, to awaken me from my slumber. Her selfless attitude towards everything stirred something in me. She was a beautiful tom-boy with a bottomless reservoir of competitiveness and generosity. "Hey Jenny, you want some?" She constantly offered me anything she had, or in most cases, she would buy me my own. God used her to show me something. She showed me how selfish and inconsiderate I was. Boom. I was roasted.
Combined with the work of  Tema, and the work of Vimal, who had become my big brother, I was destined for a makeover.
One night we were invited to a family's house. A member of their family had been on her death bed in the hospital. And since my parents were the pastors, they had the responsibility of going to the hospital, and praying over the woman. God, of course, performed a miracle and she was healed and back at home with her family. As we ate their wonderfully made food, my sisters and I started talking to some of the younger people who were there. "So, do you guys ever want to go to America?" we asked.
"No!" They all said, "America has too many gangs and too much violence, we don't want to get killed."
At first we just laughed, but then realized they were serious. Is that how people saw America and the people thereof? Yep, apparently  That's certainly how these Indian teenagers saw us. Boom. Roasted again.

After the rest of the month had past, it was time to go home and change our world there. Its hard going to a different country and coming back the same person especially when you were a jerk and a fool before. Well evtually we came back home and got to look through our World with different eyes. The eyes of some who had seen beauty in tragedy, seen the face of the ugly in something that was meant to be beautiful.
I, Jenny, have far too many stories to tell of how my life was ripped to shreds, and I actually haven't told you any of them. But give me time, time enough to write my memoirs and share with the World that really doesn't care to hear. Give me time.