LTE

Last weekend we had a Life Transforming Event (LTE) where we solely sought the face of our Maker for three days.
Awesome right? Yeah, well it was. We fasted from food, speech, and music so that we could taste and see how good our God is, so we could hear the voice of the maker of the stars, and so the song of the Lord would dwell within our hearts.
In my secret place with God all I wanted to know was more of His heart.
"God, show me who you are."
"As the butterfly and the bumble bee are specially designed and purposeful, I AM  your creator, your painter, your artist. If they are so beautiful, how much more beautiful will I make you?"
"God show me who you are."
I Love you too much to leave you. I AM faithful. If I was even so faithful to Cain, though he was evil, how much more so will I be to you, my Daughter."
"God, Show me who you are."
"I AM who I say I am. I AM Just, as I will also make you. I AM Mighty. I AM able and willing to do more than you can imagine. Why do you doubt me? My very name brings nations to their knees. I AM a warrior, but for you, my love, I became a lamb."
"God, show me who you are."
"I AM yours. 
I AM your provider. 
I SEE you.
I KNOW you. 
I LOVE you.
Do you know who you are? Do you know whose you are? If you did, it would change your life.
YOU ARE MINE. YOU ARE ADOPTED.   

Will you not be more beautiful than these?

Yeah. So fasting LTE, amazing.

God? Yeah, I know something about Him

I've been reading 1 Peter. Though knowing little about meditating on scripture, the desire to do so is still in my heart. So though I didn't read 5 chapters a day, I feel my reading the same 3 chapters for a few days was pretty awesome. In 1 Peter it talks a lot about the church and trials and struggles and such. So discovering God’s character wasn't  exactly a challenge, it was just different.

            The first words in 1 Peter are some of my favorite. Peter starts his letter with: To God’s elect. Elect: A person chosen by God for favor, salvation, or eternal life. My favorite word of those is chosen. Throughout this book (and the Bible) God blows my mind with how intricate and so insanely well thought out, planned, and executed the Gospel is. God is a planner; he does nothing on a whim or in the heat of the moment. Later on in 1 Peter, he talks about how before the creation of the world Jesus was chosen to be the pure, spotless sacrificial lamb. It blows my mind to think that before Adam and Eve were even created, before the problem was a problem, and before the devil even thought he was special, God was planning. He chose us as His elect according to the foreknowledge of His Awesomeness and through the sanctifying work of the Spirit.

Chosen. I am chosen by God. Those words are so powerful. God took something invisible and made it His own. At first I was no one, but now I am a people belonging to God; a royal priesthood. At first I had not received mercy, but now I have received mercy. God is a redeemer, I was not redeemed by something simple and cheap like silver or gold, but I was redeemed from my empty way of life by blood. By life. He’s a giver, he gave life in exchange for life. And though it makes no sense to me, the planning God of heaven and earth chose, redeemed, and is now building, shaping, and forming me into His spiritual house. My mind is small and feeble and able to understand nothing unless God gives me understanding, but God is showing me how he goes above and beyond, how he does immeasurably more then I can ask or think. Not only was Jesus sent to save us, but to lead us. I knew this in my head, but my heart was still blind to His wonderful light. To this I was called, because Christ suffered for me, leaving me an example, I should follow in His steps. The problem with this is that Jesus’ steps lead him to the grave. Are my steps willing to follow? To this I was called! I better be willing to follow, or Christ died for nothing. Will I follow when I suffer for doing good? To this I was called. Will I follow when I can’t see Him? When I can’t feel Him? To this I was called. Will I follow when I’m tired of the ministry placement God has given me? To this I was called. Will I entrust myself to Him who judges justly? Will I follow when I am harmed for doing good? To this, I was called. For such a time as this. To follow my planning, redeeming, merciful, loving, all-knowing, leader, yes, to this I was called. My faith, which to my King is more precious than gold, will be purified. Through that purification I will be proved genuine and inexpressible and glorious Joy will be mine. To this I was called.

The Art of Productivity

"What's free time again?" asked an HA intern as they trudged into the office an hour early to get homework done, "Oh, you mean Saturday?  Yeah, I think I remember those."

Such is my life.
The.Struggle.Is.Real

 Being blessed to work in the Global Expeditions Call Center, I don't have to be at work until after lunch at 1pm. But the hidden downfall to this is also its biggest blessing. Sleep. B-shifters like me have the glorious opportunity to sleep 'in', as opposed to the early rising, at work at 8:30 A-shifters.  Though sleep is wonderful, it will be your downfall. The average B-shifting intern will wake up either at 9:50 or 10:50 am, so they have just enough time to groggily run to the Auditorium for classes. After class and lunch, you work until 9 at night, and spend the rest of the evening socializing or eating ramen noodles (college life fosho).  

But in my B-shift life I am determined to break the lazy mold. My solution? Wake up early(ier), eat, dress, quiet time, homework, class, lunch, work, eat, work, session (if it applies), read, bed. Pretty packed right? Yep, and this entire week we've had sessions every night from 8 to 10, and on Wednesdays and Fridays I have shattered clay from 10-12 am (yep, late owls indeed). 

Socializing? Friends? Hanging out? What the fat are you talking about? 

Ain't nobody got time for that. 

Such is my life.

The struggle.

In the process of rituals beginning to set into my life (which I hate) and always having things to do, I've realized something: My tight schedule is the best plan ever if I want to be miserable. Though productive in the sense that I'm getting things done, I've become so religious in my schedule that I've isolated myself and sucked the adventure out of this Texas life. I've gotten stale, and watered down. And haven't had the refreshing words of a brother or sister close to me.
The life of an HA intern is busy, but to get through the hectic busyness, God gave us each other. I'm surrounded by 140+ other young people, pursuing God and going through the same things as I. That's such blessing.  I have an amazing family core of 20+ people (the largest on campus) and I barely spend time with them because I'm too busy 'getting things done'. Which of course being focused in itself isn't a bad thing, but to take it so far that the only conversation you have with your sister is about how you haven't seen each other in a few days is a bit sad. 
So my solution? I'm still working on it. But Jesus pursued people as well as His ministry, in fact, people was His ministry. And he's called people to be my ministry as well. He put these awesome people in my life for a reason. So whether it's waking up at 5:40 am to go to the gym with Cassie (which was awesome by the way), doing homework with Franny Fran (one of my favorite people on campus), leaving encouraging notes on my one of my  brother's desks, or staying up a little bit later to join in on the hilarious room conversations, I'm going to master the art of pursuit. Finding the middle ground between the art of productivity and the art of pursuing of people is going to be a journey I know nothing of (I've never had to turn homework in on time in my life...or even pursue friendships very much either for that matter ). But it's adventure time! Let's see how this turns out

P.S I think I almost like coffee now... Pray for me

Where have I been?

I MOVED TO TEXAS!!!!! And boy has it been an adventure. Before my internship at the Honor Academy started, I volunteered on the Teen Mania campus for two months where I've done everything from re-decorating, to serving food, to cleaning, cutting, taping, selling, praying, and facilitating paintball. Through all of this and all of the relationships I formed this summer, God has put a bigger desire in my heart to know Him and to know His heart. Thankfully as an intern here at the Honor Academy, that's what we are pursuing. Through a series of wondrous classes, the receptive heart is shown God's general plan for all of his followers, and daily we have the opportunity to live it out in our ministry placements and communion with each other. 
In addition to classes, ministry placements, and encountering the Living God, we recently had our first LTE (Life Transforming Event) called 'The Anvil'. During The Anvil, we were pushed physically and mentally so God could build us spiritually. We let God mold us as we stopped focusing on our own shortcomings or achievements and started encouraging one another and speaking life. We let God give us the strength to either slow down and watch for one another or to push further than we thought we could. During the Anvil LTE God showed me things that are in me that he longs to get rid of. My amazing team learned that quoting and believing scripture, praying constantly over each other and leaving no one behind is where the victory comes. Such is life. Where there is unity, God commands a blessing. We started as one and we finished as one. 

Well thats just an update on me :)

In addition to using this blog to keep you updated (though if anyone still reads this blog I'll be very shocked), I'll also be using it to post my papers for Character Development class. Whaddup.

One of my summer adventures!

End of Anvil paint fight celebration! (we have a lot of paint fights here)

If you are able to donate to my internship and keep me at the Honor Academy, go online to honoracademy.com/donate my intern number is 2612849. Donations are greatly appreciated! 
  

Her Freedom

Could the maker of the stars hear the sound of my breakin' heart? One light, that's all I am right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are won't You come close and hold my heart

Then He whispered in her ear, "Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you."
The tears then broke from her locked eyelids and fell with her chains. "I love you." was all she could get out of her quivering lips, "hold me. Please hold me."

His light threw the everlasting confusion into a whirlwind abyss. His light flooded her eyes and shook her bones. His light held her suspended in the air  where the darkness could not touch her. But there was one thing missing; her choice. Her choice to turn away everything she once welcomed. Her choice to choose the things that made her uncomfortable. Her choice to put herself last, to become the least of these with no complaint. Her choice was impossible. She knew she couldn't do it. She didn't know if she wanted to. But she knew she needed to.

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior. My Savior. You saved me. I will call upon your name, keep my eyes above the waves. My soul will rest in your embrace. I am yours and you are Mine." 

The prayer emanated from her spirit. The demons around were blinded by the power of the choice that enabled her freedom. Her freedom. Her freedom. 

It Is Finished 

I am Yours and You are Mine.

December 24th

Today, December 24th 2012 has been the worst December 24th I can remember, though that isn't saying much because i don't remember any of them, and no, it's not because I was drunk . Back to the point, today started out great, I stayed up late making my little brother's present, yet still had a great nights sleep. I woke up my mothers kisses and to the freezing cold air inside my house (no heat yet. thank God for space heaters). I had a head full of things to do today, and was looking forward to a fun day of just spending Christmas music filled time with everyone. Well, it didn't turn out that way. Today was filled with bad attitudes, too many cranky pills, short tempered-ness, and was a big ole bucket of rude and not fun-ness (that's a word right?). I was miserable. Our house has no decorations, no wonderful smells, no family friendliness...etc. In my house, we don't give a gift exchange on Christmas, we give it on New Years. We do this because my parents had the idea to reserve Christmas for Jesus and to have our own family holiday. We call it Family Appreciation Day. Though there is nothing wrong with giving gifts on Christmas  my parents just came up with a cool tradition. Well this year for Christmas  everyone in our family has to hand make something for the person younger than them (in addition to family appreciation day), I have to make something for Daniel (little brother). Well today, Daniel overdosed on cranky jerk pills and was having a few issues today, no bueno. And it all went downhill from there. On top of things i won't get into, my best friends are a thousand and in some cases many many thousands of miles away. My other best friend ...ugh oh gosh I don't even know about her. Today was awful. Period. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have Hope.
Christmas.
More of Christ.
The Savior of the World, the Savior of my soul was born. He saw the withered tree stumps of humanity and it broke his heart. He saw the depression of the souls of a people who were forever cut off from God, the God of their souls, the God of love who truly is the only one who knew how to love them. We were separated, lost, confused, dying, crying, seeking, searching, desperate, dead. He saw something that he would take no more of, his heart broke for the people who broke it, and who keep breaking it. But Love prevailed and a plan was hatched. God sent his Son to save his lost ones; me. The Love of God is powerful. Powerful enough to raise the dead, to heal the sick, to fix the broken and renew the stagnant, to change the world and the fullness thereof. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus for seeing my hurt, my lost, my broken, and my blind heart. Thank you for tearing off the chains on my soul with your pierced and bleeding hands. Your hands and feet were bleeding with blood that should have been mine. You are the solution. You came and lived among us and yet we still rejected you. Thank you for not giving up so easily, thank you for having a human proof plan. I love you. I'm in love with you. My soul sings of how I love you.

Yep, this is what I've been waiting for.

I'm  doing a lot right now. I'm looking at my niece and her beautiful eyes. she smiles. I think about how downstairs lying on my couch right now is an amazing girl I met last year.  I think about how now I'm '17'. I think about how much I dont know what that means. I think about how I'm going to HA next year. About how Im now a 'senior' now. The  thought of that makes me cry. I feel like crying now  I think about how I just got a very much wanted invitation to MT. I think about how my best friend doesn't  know how Im feeling. And how I feel like i'm drifting from my other best friend. I think about how I try so hard to fight other peoples battles for them. I try so hard to save people from their situations, even though I know thats not my job. But what is my job? Working at a frozen yogurt shop? Assistant Gymnastics coach? technically yes. But I need for there to be more in this 18th year of life then falling behind in school and making money that will come to dust anyway. I have a goal for tis year. I want to do something. Something that includes more then being in a musical, and making a new friend. I want this year to be my turning point. I just read a blog post from my friend Chantry. He just came back from Venezuela. Now he's planning 2 more trips to Haiti and Ecuador. He's also dual enrolled a.k.a he's soon to be a sophomore in college. He's 17. Does his amazing anointed mission based life make me feel like a directionless chump? yep sure does. But another thing that it shows me, is that Chancho knows his identity. Not just his name or his address. But he knows who he is in Christ. and when you boil it down, thats ALL that matters. Who am I in Christ?... thats what I need to brush up on. This 2012-2013 year is going to be one in which God says, "Yep, this is what I've been waiting for."