Introverted

I've lately realized that I haven't talked about anything seriously in a while. Truth be told, I get really awkward around serious stuff. 
I can never ever portray my feelings in the way that I feel them.  I also have the hardest time saying what I mean. I could be thinking the of the most eloquent, and the best response to a question, but when I open my mouth, blubber comes out. Literally. I'm pretty sure that I say the word blubber a few times. On top of that, I feel like I'm an awful communicator. If I mean one thing, I say something else. Nothing ever comes out how I want it to. Ever. 


This past summer I went on a 2-month mission trip to Panama. At the beginning of the trip, every time we went out to do evangelism I would semi-freak out, because I knew that whenever I wanted to give a reason for the hope that I had, nothing would come out right. But thank God for his Grace, Mercy, and Unconditional Love. 

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
   before you were born I set you apart;
   I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

 ⁶ “Alas, Sovereign LORD,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.”

 ⁷ But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. ⁸ Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD.

 ⁹ Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “I have put my words in your mouth. ~Jeremiah 1: 5-10

I'm introverted. Completely introverted. And during my trip to panama I realized that I clear my head and sort through teenage emotions through 2 things: Writing and A Guitar. 

1)I love to write. whether its just journaling, or its an actual story. And whether or not its any good, I could care less. That's the way that I sometimes figure things out. 

2)I am not a skilled guitar player. Actually, I know almost nothing about the guitar. But I love to just freestyle, to get all my feelings, hurts, thoughts, pains joys and sorrows out and turn them  into a song. Its often a song that I don't remember after I'm done singing it, but still. It works for me and I always feel so much better afterwards.

Needless to say, spending 2 months in a different country with complete strangers, peeing over the ocean, and chopping grass with a machete was a freaking awesome sauce experience. God is still working on getting me out of the 'blubber' business and its a process, but I'm getting there.
(The organization I went on my trip with)

in panama city

the strangers I lived with for two months  (we were best friends by the end)