2013. The year of late night crying sessions, late night jam sessions, late night 'I need you Jesus' sessions, late night movie watching, late night best friend conversations, late night prayer sessions...pretty much the year of late nights.

But I can honestly say I've never felt more alive in my life. I will remember this year forever. No, I never know what day or date it is (I had to be reminded 4 times that today was news years eve), but I know where I'm supposed to be. And in that, God is showing me who He created me to be. And in that is Freedom. Is Life.

I took this picture of my future from the past. But now it's the present

Thanksgivingggggg

 I went to Austin!! I ate an awesome taco. I watched disturbia (and it was disturbing). I realized I don't completely stink at volleyball. I got licked in the face by a dog. I realized that I do completely stink at foosball (it was really embarrassing). I'm rusty at gin rummy. I'm getting better at egyptian rat screw. I have a very sassy side. I can be very introverted. I'm the least hospitable person I've ever met. I officially had a conversation with the guy I sit next to in class. And some people who used to mean so very much to me are slipping away and I don't know how to change it.

My usual solution to problems with friends is to simply be honest. But how much honesty can you have before people think you're trying to guilt trip them? 
If time equals relationship, then lack of time means lack of relationship, ya? Well what about the awkward time you spend you together? Or the conversations that you wish never happened simply because in those conversations you both realized that things are different now? Do those times redefine or deteriorate the relationship?
Take my Best friend for example. We used to talk everyday though we haven't seen each other in 2 + years. But now our conversations are how they were before we knew each other and when I secretly wanted to kill him. How long can you try to revive a conversation before the dead horse starts to stink? After a while I get annoyed even with my own efforts at trying to keep things going. 
When the tables are turned though it's always a pleasure to see how much of my conversational habits have rubbed off on him. But those times are seldom. 
For what it's worth, I miss you, and I know things won't be the same, but I wish they were at least better than they are now. But It takes two to tango, which is illegal for the next 9 months of my life, so instead... it takes two to ride a two person bike.

Now that that's off my chest...Thanksgiving was wonderful. Obviously there's no place like home, but The Dayton's is a fantastic second. Mr and Mrs. Dayton are awesome people who made me feel at home. They have perfected that art with great ease through foster parenting. 
Becoming a foster parent is one of the only desires I have in life (thus far).
I want to my home to be a refuge for those who are hurting. 
To be a warm and lovely bed and breakfast on a hill (as opposed to a full out city). 
To be a bed for the cold and weary traveler. 
A place for those who have no money to come, buy, and eat.
I want people to leave my bed and breakfast knowing about the Lover of their souls. 
I'm not talking like a literal bed and breakfast, but I'm sure you get the point. 
The Dayton's house is a lot like that. Their house is the one where you just walk in and no one bats an eye. It's like "yo, whaddup. you hungry?"
I want that. Whether or not I get married, I want to be that person. I want to be like my own mumzy and have children everywhere. Atheist children, indian children, black children, white children, adult children, actual children, biological children...
It's really weird though, because honestly, I don't know how to love people very well. And I don't know how to get close to people, I feel awkward and weird (though supposedly I disguise it well). So pretty much the one thing I want to do, I know I can't do... on my own 


Bring it on