Second semester started with Tanya crying on my lap. And Cassie is one of the only people I would feel less awkward crying around.
Why did I cry? Because I was sad. About what?
My year is over. No more worship in the Audi. No more back 40 or secret garden, or side woods or walking with Laura. No more watching old movies and having deep conversations and Friday night bible studies with Wesley and Franny. No more looking at the stars with Mikaela when we have our 'get our friendship back on track' talks. No more swinging in a hammock serenading passersby with Juju. No more meal meetings. No more of Edgar's hugs or Jordan's jokes. No more hearing Sarah practice the guitar or Colette telling me what's going on around campus. No more seeing my amazing brother core and just feeling so incredibly proud of them. No more of Daltons accent or Lamonts humor. No more of Nelson and I's Legend of Korra dates, no more of seeing Chris and his bod sing incredible worship to the Lord. No more. No more. None. Man. That is so hard for me to handle. Lord give me Grace.
That was a journal entry from August sixth two thousand and fourteen. That was 414 days since I moved to Texas. That was the best year, one month and 19 days of my life. I didn't know that at the time of course, but I suppose you never know it at the time.
That was long ago...
There's a roller coaster called the "Mr Freeze reverse" at Six Flags over Texas. On this thrill ride, you're shot out backwards into a dark tunnel and have no idea what comes next. Suddenly you're twirled upside down, thrown side to side jerked upwards, shot downwards and eventually you're pulled up and held at a tall point that can be seen from anywhere in the park.
Since graduating the Honor Academy 52 days ago, my life has been the previous paragraph. I have no idea what happens next. I honestly don't know why the Lord has brought me here. Looking around at the people on this ride with me (my teammates), honestly makes me feel like I might not even belong. I love my fellow riders immensely, but you know how there's always that one person who's slightly out of place? Hi, that's me... Or maybe we're all the awkward out of place ones (Shhh...)
At the Honor Academy, you're constantly being poured into, constantly seeking the Lord, and constantly having accountability. I was in a spiritual oasis where goodness was spoon fed into my mouth. That is not so now.
Honestly, I just miss Jesus. He's still here, but now I realize how people can go for weeks without a quiet time after leaving the HA. I've had my quiet times, but instead of being at the lake resort lounging in the water of life, I feel as though I'm in the desert.
I'm dehydrated, I'm tired, I'm empty, I'm in the place of not knowing where I'm going but being on the roller coaster all the same. The worst thing ever is trying to spend time with the Lord but feeling as though he's letting you figure it out on your own. I can't figure it out on my own. I don't know where this coaster is coasting, and I have no way of figuring it out.
But this I call to mind and therefore I have Hope.
The Lord is my refuge and my strength; He is my Joy. He is Constant. He is Close. Regardless of how I 'feel'.
While hanging from the tall point on the Mr Freeze, you see the road before you illuminated. Even in the dark, you can look up from the point at the end of the line and see the city lights around you. beautiful. After those few short seconds of stillness, you plummet down on the track and see what you couldn't see before.
Starting out backwards on the Mr Freeze is one of the most exciting parts. The adventure comes in being thrown upside down but knowing that you're secured safely in your seat and no harm will come to you.
I am secure.
"I've got you, my Beloved. Lean on me, not your understanding. My ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts are higher than your thoughts. Are you ready for an adventure? - Jesus
This year I'm touring with Teen Mania's Acquire the Fire youth conferences where the broken-hearts are bound, and the captives are made free. Teen Mania International
You should pretty much write all the time.
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