Identity Crisis

I've been having an identity crisis. This new semester at the Honor Academy came with many changes. Some are really hard to deal with, like one of my brothers leaving. Some are good, like having new classes and new interns on campus. Some are going to be interesting, like getting new core sisters. But all are for God's glory. This new semester has already brought tears, and feelings, and frustrations in me and out of me. But then the wise words of Chloe begin turning in my mind and slowly make their way to my heart, "It's ok to be emotional."

"It's ok to be emotional." That was/is news to me. I always hate being 'emotional', and even take unnatural precautions to keep from being so. But then I realized where my emotions were coming from.

Looking for affirmation and security in the wrong places left me feeling so hurt and disregarded. Rejected
After a beautiful talk with my accountability partner (AP), Mikaela Bender, I realized what the real problem was. Why I had been so blind to it, I'll never know. She very simply asked me, "So you're looking for your identity in things/ people rather than in God?"
Ouch. Just by the immediate pang of conviction that entered my heart, I knew she was right.

That night at session during worship, the wondrous Chloe came and started praying for me. She prayed concerning my Identity. I remember her saying , "Lord, I thank you for claiming Janelle as your own. When you hang on the cross you were thinking about her, and you said she is yours. Thank you for counting her tears, seldom though they may be..." 

Prophetic. After her prayer, we sat in each others arms for about another song and a half. Chloe prayed things that I knew in my head but were far from my heart.
In the middle of worship the leader, Andrew Snow, said, "...I expect God to do something amazing in about two minutes. You need to be expectant too. God is going to break the spirit of rejection off of you. He's going to break it and it's not going to come back. You are not rejected. You are Adopted."
Adopted. Adopted is my core name. Adopted is my vision, though temporarily lost, for this year.

That incredible moment I hope I never forget. God was speaking to me. The spirit of rejection has followed me for far too long.
I started crying almost immediately.

You are not rejected. 
You ARE mine. 
All mine. 
In the midst of my tears I felt a hand take hold of mine. I knew it was the hand of my Core advisor, but I heard the Lord say,
That's me. I'm always holding you. 
Then I heard my father counting the tears as they fell from face
number 23...
I HAVE adopted you.
I see you.
I know you.
I love you more then you could know.
You bring me joy. I long for you
Number 71.
You are mine.
you are mine.
you are mine.
all mine.
I died just so  I could have your heart.
Number 100.

I know who I am. I know what I am. I know whose I am.
Come at me bro

Chloe and I

My Core: Adopted (my core advisor's in the orange scarf)

Mikaela and I

If you are able to donate towards my internship that would be a huge blessing.
got to www.honoracademy.com/donate and enter my intern number, '2612849'.
Donations are tax deductible!